Okay, it’s not a cougar…
September 18, 2009
So they sent pictures of the supposed "cougar" tracks from the park where I jog to the experts at the Brookfield Zoo, who declared the mystery beast was "not a cougar." When asked what it was, they said, "We don't know."
I'm thinking that might be even worse. We don't have a cougar on the loose in our local park, we have a "mystery beast" on the loose in our park. It could be anything! A wild boar! A rabid giraffe! An emotionally unstable pygmy hippo! Who knows what is lurking out there in the bushes… waiting for me to jog by…
I also found out that our editor, Bill Ebel, actually reads my blog. He was quite excited to hear that I bequeathed our new camera to him in case I got taken out by the cougar on my next jog. A little TOO excited, if you ask me.
As I headed out for my run this morning, a woman I passed on the street called out, "Are you hunting for the cougar?" Wheaton has gone cougar-crazy. Of course, now we know it isn't a cougar. It's a mystery beast. If I see it on my next jog, I won't know whether to make myself look large, play dead, or run away in a serpentine fashion.
Stay tuned for more updates on the "Mystery Beast of Northside Park."
Everything else is going very well here… we're very, very busy preparing some fun stuff and fun announcements. Stay tuned for that, too!
Posted in Phil News
September 18th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Well, surely it’s not an escaped falcon from Wheaton North … Maybe a tiger that’s wandered up from WWS?
September 18th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Slithering away in serpentine fashion, definitely. Highly recommended.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Haha, that’s too funny. You should have Buck Denver talk about the cougar on his show.
September 19th, 2009 at 1:05 am
Well, we haven’t seen Bigfoot up here in the Northwest in a while…
September 19th, 2009 at 1:24 am
You should check to see if the Perry Mastodon has escaped.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:54 am
JellyTelly Special!
Clive and Ian go hunting for the mystery beast…. LIVE!
September 19th, 2009 at 9:20 am
September 19th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
i hope it’s not barney the dinosaur, still angry about not getting any money in the lawsuit.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:01 am
just remember… if it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Look! A Cougar!
No, wait. That’s a water buffalo.
September 20th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
My fiance and I were planning on living in Wheaton…maybe its time to re-think that.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:45 am
Perhaps it’s a cebu?
September 21st, 2009 at 11:14 am
Maybe it’s a liger. I understand they have magical qualities.
Maybe you should take Bill with you:
Phil: “Hey Bill, wanna go jogging with me today?”
Bill: “But what about the liger? If we see him, do you think we can outrun him?”
Phil: “No, but I’m pretty sure I can outrun YOU!”
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Or a manatee?…. maybe a landliving manatee?
September 24th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Hmmm… It’s unidentified and it has strange tracks. Well, I’d say it’s either Sasquatch or an illegal ALIEN.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:57 am
its Buck Denvers stalker!
December 27th, 2009 at 4:41 am
I think if you see the velocicougar you’re supposed to remain perfectly still. It won’t really save you but sometimes they’ll let you off with a warning if you don’t make them chase you.